Extract: Surrounded by Idiots by Thomas Erikson

This entry was posted on 08 March 2022.

Erikson will help you understand yourself better, hone communication and social skills, handle conflict with confidence, improve dynamics with your boss and team, and get the best out of the people you deal with and manage. He also shares simple tricks on body language, improving written communication and advice on when to back away or when to push on, and when to speak up or indeed shut up. Packed with ‘aha!’ and ‘oh no!’ moments, Surrounded by Idiots will help you understand and influence those around you, even people you currently think are beyond all comprehension.

 


 

Introduction: The Man Who Was Surrounded by Idiots

 

“I was in high school when I first noticed that I got along better with

certain people rather than others. It was easy to talk to some of my

friends; in any conversation, we always found the right words and

everything just flowed smoothly. There were never any conflicts,

and we liked one another. With other people, however, everything

just went wrong. What I said fell on deaf ears, and I couldn’t understand

why.

Why was speaking to some people so easy, while others were total

blockheads? Since I was young, this certainly wasn’t something that

kept me awake at night. However, I still remember puzzling over why

some conversations flowed naturally, while others didn’t even

start—no matter how I conducted myself. It was just incomprehensible.

I began using different methods to test people. I tried to say the

same things in similar contexts just to see what reaction I got. Sometimes

it actually worked and an interesting discussion developed. On

other occasions, nothing happened at all. People just stared at me as if

I were from another planet, and sometimes it really felt that way.

When we’re young, we tend to think of things very simply. Because

some people in my circle of friends reacted in a normal way that

meant, of course, that they were automatically the good guys. And so

I just assumed there was something wrong with the people who didn’t

understand me. What other explanation could there possibly be? I

was the same all the time! Certain people just had something wrong

with them. So I simply began to avoid these weird, difficult people

because I didn’t understand them. Call it the naïveté of youth if you

will, but it did give rise to some amusing consequences. In later years,

however, all of this changed.

Life went on with work, family, and career, and I continued to

pigeonhole people into two groups— good and sensible people and all

the rest, the people who didn’t seem to understand anything at all.

When I was twenty-five years old, I met with a man who was self-employed.

Now in his sixties, Sture had founded his own business and

built it up for many years. I was given the task of interviewing him

just before a new project was to be implemented. We started talking

about how things were functioning in his organization. One of the very

first comments Sture made was that he was surrounded by idiots.

I remember laughing at the time because I thought it was a joke. But

he truly meant what he said. His face turned crimson as he explained

to me that the people working in Department A were complete idiots,

every single one of them. In Department B you found only fools who

understood nothing at all. And he hadn’t even come to Department C

yet! They were the worst of all! They were so weird that Sture couldn’t

fathom how they even made it to work in the mornings.

The more I listened to him, the more I realized that there was something

very odd about this story. I asked him if he really believed that

he was surrounded by idiots. He glared at me and explained that very

few of his employees were worth having.

Sture had no issue letting his employees know how he felt. He didn’t

hesitate in the least to call anyone an idiot in front of the whole company.

This meant that his employees learned to avoid him. No one

dared to have one-to-one meetings with him; he never got to hear bad

news because he would often shoot the messenger. At one of the offices,

a warning light had even been mounted at the entrance to the building.

Discreetly placed above the reception desk, the light went red

when he was there and turned green when he was away.

Everyone knew about this. Not only staff but even clients would

automatically cast a nervous glance at the light to find out what awaited

them when they stepped over the threshold. If the light was red, some

people would simply turn back at the door, deciding to come back at

a more opportune time.

As we all know, when you’re young you are full of great ideas. So

I asked the only question I could think of: “Who hired all these idiots?”

I knew, of course, that he had hired most of them. What was worse

was that Sture understood exactly what I had implied. What I implicitly

asked was: Who is actually the idiot here?

Sture threw me out. Later on, I was told that what he really wanted

to do was fetch a shotgun and shoot me.

 


“It was an utterly appalling thought to have to go through life constantly thinking that I was surrounded by people who were impossible to work with. It would make my own potential in life so unbelievably limited.”


 

This incident got me thinking. Here was a man who would soon

retire. He was obviously a proficient entrepreneur, highly respected

for his sound knowledge of his par tic u lar line of business. But he

couldn’t handle people. He didn’t understand the most critical, complicated

resource in an organization—the employees. And anyone he

couldn’t understand was simply an idiot.

Since I was from outside the company, I could easily see how wrong

his thinking was. Sture didn’t grasp that he always compared people

to himself. His definition of idiocy was simply anyone who didn’t think

or act like him. He used expressions that I also used to use about certain

types of people: “arrogant windbags,” “red- tape jackasses,” “rude

bastards,” and “tedious blockheads.” Although I never called people

idiots, at least not so they could hear me, I had obvious problems with

certain types of people.

It was an utterly appalling thought to have to go through life

constantly thinking that I was surrounded by people who were impossible

to work with. It would make my own potential in life so

unbelievably limited.

I tried to see myself in the mirror. The decision was easy to make.

I didn’t want to be like Sture. After a particularly toxic meeting with

him and some of his unfortunate colleagues, I sat in the car with a lump

in my stomach. The meeting had been a total disaster. Every one was

furious. There and then I decided to learn what is prob ably the most

important knowledge of all—how people function. I would be encountering

people for the rest of my life, no matter what my profession

was, and it was easy to see that I would benefit by being able to

understand them.

I immediately began to study how to understand the people who

initially seem so difficult. Why are some people silent, why do others

never stop talking, why do some people always tell the truth while

others never do? Why do some of my colleagues always arrive on time,

while others rarely manage to? And even why did I like some people

more than others? The insights I gained were fascinating, and I’ve

never been the same since I began this journey. The knowledge I acquired

has changed me as a person, as a friend, as a colleague, as a

son, as a husband, and as the father of my children.

This book is about what is perhaps the world’s most widely used

method to describe the differences in human communication. This

method is called the DISA—an acronym that stands for Dominance,

Inducement, Submission, and Analytic ability— system. These four

terms are the primary behavior types, which describe how people

sees themselves in relationship to their environment. Each of these behavior

types is associated with a color— Red, Yellow, Green, and Blue.

This system is also commonly called the DISC system, where the final

letter of the acronym stands for Compliance instead of Analytic ability.

I have used variations of this tool for over twenty years with excellent

results.

But how do you become really, truly proficient at handling different

types of people? There are, of course, various methods. The most

common method is to research the matter and learn the basics. But

learning the theoretical part doesn’t make you a world-class

communicator.

It’s only when you begin using this knowledge that you can

develop real and functioning competence in the field. Just like learning

to ride a bike— you have get on the bike first. Only then do you

realize what you need to do.

Since I began studying how people function and painstakingly

strove to understand the differences in the way we communicate, I’ve

never been the same. I’m not as categorical anymore, judging people

just because they are not like me. For many years now, my patience

with people who are the complete opposite of me has been far greater.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I never get involved in conflicts,

just as I wouldn’t try to convince you that I never lie, but both these

things happen very seldom now.

I have one thing to thank Sture for—he awakened my interest in

the subject. Without him, this book would prob ably never have been

written.

What can you do to increase your knowledge about how people

relate and communicate? A good start may be to keep reading this

book— the whole book, not just the first three chapters. With a little

luck, in a few minutes you can begin the same journey I began twenty

years ago. I promise you will not regret it.

One thing to note: To simplify reading this book, I have chosen to

use “him” and “he” consistently when I refer to examples not associated

with any specific person. I know that you have enough imagination

to insert a “her” or “she” in your thoughts where this may be

appropriate.”

 

Extracted from Surrounded by Idiots by Thomas Erikson, out now.

 

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